Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
