I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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