My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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