never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
