Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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