if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
