all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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