My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
