Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
