How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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