I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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