me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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