Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
