he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
