my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
