i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
