This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
