it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
