I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She told me I should be a condom model.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
