Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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