Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
