The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
