BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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