I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
