so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
