dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
