They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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