when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
