sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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