I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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