Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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