My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
