What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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