she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
