I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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