I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
