she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
