he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize