words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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