and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Pooping to opera.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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