if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
