If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
worst night to have a conscience
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
