Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
