Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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