i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
