even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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