he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
why do cheetos always look like penises
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
