I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
anything below 65Ā° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
