i wish starbucks made bloody marys
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
