She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Never underestimate the power of titties
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
