I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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