my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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