Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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