she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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