I wannas sexs uuuuu
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
