Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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