every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
