I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
