life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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