if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
