508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
