i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
is it fun? or sober?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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