Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
