did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
