I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
