Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
