Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize