Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
