awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
