Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
